Finding Humility
I watched a movie the other day called Celeste and Jesse Forever. If you haven’t seen it, it’s about a long- time couple who get divorced and have a hard time letting go of each other because there is a sense of safety in their comfortability. Without giving away the movie, during this separation they both learn about themselves and how they can do better. For her, it has a lot to do with pride.
I now resonate with things I never thought would stand out to me when watching movies or reading books. The idea of pride has been something of resonance lately. I used to always think of pride as a masculine trait and one that I didn’t exhibit. While in the process of self discovery, I’ve learned that for those of us struggling with perfectionist mentalities, “good-girl’ (or guy) personalities, and the need to figure it out ourselves, we are often mixed up in pride. This is a lower vibration and one that I personally feel is on the other side of a flow state.
Pride can mean so many things to different people. In the movie, Emma Robert’s character tells Celeste “You know what your problem is? Contempt before investigation. You think you’re smarter than everybody else”. How many of us find ourselves feeling this way? We are convinced our way is the right way and everyone else’s way is wrong. This can be reflective in our jobs, how we take care of ourselves (exercise, food, supplements), and often with our beliefs. When we get recognized with reward for the discipline we have, it reinforces that pride. I am guilty of this. I have always thought what I believe is right, how I conduct myself is right, how I eat is right, and if others aren’t doing it my way they are wrong. Even with this journey I’m on, I find myself wanting to help people but notice how I can also project my learnings and new beliefs onto others. The thought that because I’m doing this and it’s changing me, it has to be right for everyone. Maybe it is, but maybe people are perfectly content just the way they are. The judgement that exhibits with this type of pride is disguised. And judgement is another low vibration worth letting go of and transmuting to open-mindedness.
In this process I’ve made it a point to question everything and be vulnerable. As I peel back the layers I am learning what it means to be humble. I can love myself for being smart, creative, inquisitive, and genuine and see the humility in that too. I don’t have to be the smartest one in the room, the best person at my job, or even have the best material items. What does all of that prove anyway? That if I’m the best, I am worthy of love? I remind my ego that this isn’t true, I am deserving just the way I am and the love that matters is my own. Deep down we are all afraid of something. A lot of times it comes down to fear of rejection and getting hurt. When we let go of the fears and doubt, we can allow for self-acceptance. Pride is there as a part of us is trying to keep us safe. But there is more safety and freedom in letting go and being who we truly are. Then we can truly receive.
